Between schoolwork, homework, standardized tests and test anxiety, after-school activities and bullying, kids are super stressed out. In fact, more than a third of parents said their kids were under a ton of school stress, according to a recent NPR poll.
Here, find out how you can tell if your kid is stressed at school and what you can do about it.
Is your kid stressed out?
Kids who are under stress will have changes in mood or behavior, according to Dr. Adelle Cadieux, a pediatric psychologist at Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids, Mich.
Your kid will likely be irritable, cry more, withdraw from activities, express uncertainty, or have negative self-talk. He or she might complain about headaches and stomachaches or have changes in sleep and appetite. Kids under stress also have problems getting ready for school and may even refuse to go.
If your child is dealing with school stress, here are 10 ways you can help him or her cope.
1. Stop the chaos
“A rushed child is never a calm child,” said Lori Lite, author of Stress Free Kids: A Parent's Guide to Helping Build Self-Esteem, Manage Stress, and Reduce Anxiety in Children. Chaotic mornings also set the tone for the day so leave enough time and make sure everything they need is ready to go.
2. Get more sleep
Kids who get enough sleep are likely to be less irritable and better able to handle school stress.
If you suspect your kid is stressed or is being bullied, open the lines of communication by asking about his or her day and challenges. Especially for older kids who don’t want to be told what to do, you can help them figure out a solution to their problems on their own.
4. Practice relaxation
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and positive thinking are proven ways to reduce stress that also work for kids. Written daily affirmations that your kid can pull from a bowl each morning can help too, Lite said.
5. Cut down on extras
“As a nation, we’ve come to believe that busy equals happy,” Lite said. She added that keeping busy is an unhealthy way to cope with life’s challenges, and the philosophy has been transferred to our kids. Too many after-school activities means less time for homework, so eliminate some and use dinner time to de-stress and bond as a family.
Talk to school staff and other parents about their observations of your child so you can keep track of how he or she is handling school, Cadieux said.
7. Model coping strategies
If you can’t handle your stress, your kid will never learn to either, Cadieux said. So the next time you have a tough day at work, it’s ok to tell your kids why you were upset – but say something that puts the situation in perspective.
8. Don’t criticize
Even if you disagree, never talk negatively about homework or teachers in front of your child because it creates fear. “They’re already feeling stress so you need to be the calming force,” Lite said. Always be positive and schedule a parent-teacher conference instead.
9. Limit technology
Kids spend more than seven hours a day using technology that might increase stress. So put limits on your kid’s tech time and spend more time being active as a family.
10. Get help
If school stress is affecting your child’s ability to function, it’s important to talk to a counselor who can help your child cope.
Julie Revelant is a health journalist and a consultant who provides content marketing and copywriting services for the healthcare industry. She's also a mom of two. Learn more about Julie at revelantwriting.com.
Educators and parents have long been concerned about students stressed by homework loads, but a small research study asked questions recently about homework and anxiety of a different group: parents. The results were unsurprising. While we may have already learned long division and let the Magna Carta fade into memory, parents report that their children’s homework causes family stress and tension — particularly when additional factors surrounding the homework come into play.
The researchers, from Brown University, found that stress and tension for families (as reported by the parents) increased most when parents perceived themselves as unable to help with the homework, when the child disliked doing the homework and when the homework caused arguments, either between the child and adults or among the adults in the household.
The number of parents involved in the research (1,173 parents, both English and Spanish-speaking, who visited one of 27 pediatric practices in the greater Providence area of Rhode Island) makes it more of a guide for further study than a basis for conclusions, but the idea that homework can cause significant family stress is hard to seriously debate. Families across income and education levels may struggle with homework for different reasons and in different ways, but “it’s an equal opportunity problem,” says Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, a contributing editor to the research study and co-author of “The Learning Habit.”
“Parents may find it hard to evaluate the homework,” she says. “They think, if this is coming home, my child should be able to do it. If the child can’t, and especially if they feel like they can’t help, they may get angry with the child, and the child feels stupid.” That’s a scenario that is likely to lead to more arguments, and an increased dislike of the work on the part of the child.
The researchers also found that parents of students in kindergarten and first grade reported that the children spent significantly more time on homework than recommended. Many schools and organizations, including the National Education Association and the Great Schools blog, will suggest following the “10-minute rule” for how long children should spend on school work outside of school hours: 10 minutes per grade starting in first grade, and most likely more in high school. Instead, parents described their first graders and kindergartners working, on average, for 25 to 30 minutes a night. That is consistent with other research, which has shown an increase in the amount of time spent on homework in lower grades from 1981 to 2003.
“This study highlights the real discrepancy between intent and what’s actually happening,” Ms. Donaldson-Pressman said, speaking of both the time spent and the family tensions parents describe. “When people talk about the homework, they’re too often talking about the work itself. They should be talking about the load — how long it takes. You can have three problems on one page that look easy, but aren’t.”
The homework a child is struggling with may not be developmentally appropriate for every child in a grade, she suggests, noting that academic expectations for young children have increased in recent years. Less-educated or Spanish-speaking parents may find it harder to evaluate or challenge the homework itself, or to say they think it is simply too much. “When the load is too much, it has a tremendous impact on family stress and the general tenor of the evening. It ruins your family time and kids view homework as a punishment,” she said.
At our house, homework has just begun; we are in the opposite of the honeymoon period, when both skills and tolerance are rusty and complaints and stress are high. If the two hours my fifth-grade math student spent on homework last night turn out the be the norm once he is used to the work and the teacher has had a chance to hear from the students, we’ll speak up.
We should, Ms. Donaldson-Pressman says. “Middle-class parents can solve the problem for their own kids,” she says. “They can make sure their child is going to all the right tutors, or get help, but most people can’t.” Instead of accepting that at home we become teachers and homework monitors (or even taking classes in how to help your child with his math), parents should let the school know that they’re unhappy with the situation, both to encourage others to speak up and to speak on behalf of parents who don’t feel comfortable complaining.
“Home should be a safe place for students,” she says. “A child goes to school all day and they’re under stress. If they come home and it’s more of the same, that’s not good for anyone.”
Read more about homework on Motherlode: Homework and Consequences; The Mechanics of Homework; That’s Your Child’s Homework Project, Not Yours and Homework’s Emotional Toll on Students and Families.